i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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