Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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