I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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