im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
