Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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