So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
