my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
