are you still at the devil's house?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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