they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
