maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
