remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
