We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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