The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
