I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
