people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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