Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
