ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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