I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
