shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
