I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
