i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
