and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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