I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
