I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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