I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
