you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
