how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
