You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
