Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
