im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
