wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
