The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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