sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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