I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
