You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
