I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
