he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
