2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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