...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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