i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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