This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
