did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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