i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
