I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
