My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
