i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
