you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
