if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
