i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
