it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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