We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
