i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
