do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
